Why do we allow being emotionally abused?

He was that kind of charming gentleman.  The perfect partner that I could ever dream, but it was just the beginning of the most fearful nightmare.

If you've ever been a victim of an emotional partner, you know too well how it feels to humiliated and overpowered.  Love is the most profound and beautiful emotion known to the human being.  While there are many kinds of love, people tend to seek it in a romantic relationship with a compatible quasi-perfect partner.

Having a sense of fulfilment is one of the most significant factors of life in a romantic relationship.  But the ability to have healthy and loving relationships is not hereditary, and we have to work hard for it. 


Childhood deficiency.

The ability to form a stable bond begins in childhood, during a child's earliest experiences with parents or caregiver who devotion meets the infant's needs such as stimulation, emotional support, food, shelter, protection and social contact. Failure to receive those need will influence in a meaningful way how we chose a partner and how we manage our relationships. 

Relationships fail for many reasons, and the failure is often a source of great psychological grief, pain and anxiety.  We get buried between emotions like anger, sadness, fear and disappointment.

Some painful experiences.

During many years, I found myself trapped in a long chain of emotionally abusive relationships.  Abuse could involve violence, emotional abuse, physical abuse, financial abuse, psychological abuse, deprivation, manipulation etc.  From this side of those painful experiences, I can see clearly my weakness to the consent of another person to fool my life.  I thought that we were in love, but far from reality, what really keeps me tied to those offensive and rude men was my lack of self-worth and self-love. 

My father was my first relationship's reference.

The main base of my childhood was the lack of love and affections from my parents, mainly my 'namely father'; that deficiency of love and affection made me get stuck and develop an attachment to people who never love me. 

I was continually searching for that I never had before when I was a child, and I couldn't see it until I couldn't go further.  I did get depths and lost myself.  My poor emotional life was affecting my motherhood.   I was thirsty for love, feeling lonely, without the capacity to give my kid what I was missing by that time.

Finally and after many years of humiliation and emotional abuse, my life changed.  I decide to make a change and set free that beautiful human being I knew was ambushed inside me.  It took a big effort and decisions making to get out of that nonsense that I was living,  but I did.  I couldn't change the fact of being neglected and unloved when I was a child, but I changed my present and learnt to love myself.  I worked hard to heal that pain carried out from my childhood.  Of course, after being repeating the same mistake over and over again. 

Healed to help.

Until we don't accept that we miss something which has been forbidden to us during our childhood, we will keep searching for it in our adulthood.  We could get over and over again into deceitful, wicked and perverse emotional relationships.  At the mercy of irrational vampire and wolfs without a soul.

We need to learn the necessary skills to change our present painful moment to make our lives flourish. In that way, we will be able to live the life we want is happiness.  Once you know yourself, identifying weak points, your life will change for good.  Improving your relationship with yourself first,  then it'll be easy to give love and affection to your loved one.  You will discover your beautiful self, your real worth, and you will not sign for less; so no one who comes into your life will have the power to abuse you.  You will kindly show then the way out!

Developing our emotional intelligence will improve our relationships, social status, happiness and success.  Some tips will help you to start your healing path.

  • You need to talk about your feelings.
  • Learn how to recognise abusers as early as possible.
  • Find out your vulnerable and unhealed part of your life to avoiding to attract abusive people into your life.
  • Learn to calm down and reflect upon our life; what is going on with me?
  • You need to take control of our lives and make confident decisions.                               
  • Always trust your first instincts. If you feel something's wrong, it usually is - not golden is gold.
  • Find a self- help book to get guidance.                                           
  • Take time to walk alone an reflect on your current situation.
  • Visit a therapist or counsellor.
  • Find support in an organisation dedicated to protect and prevent abuse.
  • Move away from the hazard.
  • Change your habits and do something new that gives you motivation.