How are you self-sabotaging your emotional life.

Recognising that we can be auto defeated by our thoughts is one characteristic of emotional intelligence.

Absolutely! but sometimes, it can take longer to recognise it. This is due to a physiological process where an area of the brain called the amygdala, which plays a key role in the processing of emotions, goes into overload. 

These reactions are similar to how our mind reacts to front stressed situations as reactive emotions; we are responding to something in our external environment. What about when our emotional reaction is self-imposed and we are responding to our inner thoughts and feelings?

In definitive, the majority of people are not basically negative but we possess something named a negativity bias.  In every stressed situation, we tend to look for the worst possible scenario instead of facing our fears.  According to psychodynamic theory, It’s a survival mechanism of self-defence, serving us both in the phenomenal world and in our social interactions. 

For example, You have an important exam for what you have been studying hard.  The time is approaching and your anxiety increases. 

In most of the cases, you could refuse to take it as you have determined in your mind that you will fail.  This is a practical example but what about feelings toward relationships and emotions?

When that tendency becomes a habit and we get involved in some negative self-talk nor have negative self-perception, it can create a cascade of emotions that drag us down a rabbit hole of our own making.

Managing emotional intelligence implies developing a sense of empathy: understanding and keeping an open attitude to other people's experience. Having consideration and circumspection toward others and ourselves. Being stuck can cause us to stop performing properly. That will block our well-being state preventing us from exercising self-empathy, which is vital to drag us out of that dark hole we’ve cleverly devised.

In most of the cases, we find ourselves swimming into an emotional river and we tend not to be able to think our way out.  This could be because: first, we are accepting as a normal circumstance.  'This is just the way it is and the way I feel'.  Secondly, we are not thinking about clearly creating self-empathy, never mind self-compassion. The stuckness we experience the patterns that repeatedly play out and keep us where we are come out of our inability to hold space for ourselves, as we might do for others.

Emotional intelligence is a social skill and it’s about how we relate to ourselves and others.  The path of awareness, empathy, and compassion that are characteristic of emotional intelligence firstly define us in our self-relationship, then, in our relationship with others. 

We could auto reflect in a calmed way, taking the whole picture of our life establishing an awareness of our patterns, identify them, and give ourselves permission to update them.  Refusing to change auto-destructive thoughts and behaviours will lead to auto defeat rather than growth. Once we’ve become aware of our thinking patterns and have given ourselves permission to modify them, we are more likely to live an emotionally healthy life.